Are you a mother??

I would be lying if I said I have enjoyed being a mother from day one. I would be lying if I said that I was born to be a mother. The truth is until little C was born I wasn't too sure I was a mother. What I mean to say is I was performing correctly as a mother and I was doing everything a mother should be doing but somehow the role didn't feel like it was me. I felt like I had lost myself in all the sacrifices I had to make and I had yet to reach the sense of fulfilment that I thought a mother should have.

Don't get me wrong. I love my daughter very much.  Its just that I didn't feel like I was Cheryl. Cheryl the mother? It just didn't feel right. So I plodded along doing the best I could but yet at the same time not knowing who this new person really was. People complain about the physical changes that a women has to come to terms with after giving birth but the emotional upheaval is the one that matters the most. It was a very guilty feeling that I was carrying around on my shoulders. I suspect that most women go through the phase but few talk about it. Its as if its taboo or something to be ashamed about. I wish women's magazines would talk about issues like these instead of focusing on 'losing the baby weight' as though that is the most important post baby subject to talk about. Some women take longer than others to really 'feel' like a mom while some were really born into the role. I took longer. 2 years long.

To be honest I felt like an imposter. I knew how to be a mom. I could dish out very good advice and words of wisdom but I could not believe that no one could see through me and realise that I really didn't think I was a mother. Secretly I was really afraid that this was how I was going to feel all my life. But when little C was born, that feeling dissipated. Suddenly I felt like I understood my role as a mother. I had come full circle into acceptance that I am a MOTHER. It finally felt right. It's amazing just how empowering that realisation/acceptance was.

I now know what it means to be in love with your children and each day I am discovering new things about the side of me that is Cheryl the mother. If you are going through the same thing I did, I must say I do not know what triggered the change. I do not have a solution to the problem except words of encouragement that you are not alone in feeling this way. It happened to me and I suspect it happens to plenty of other women as well. Take heart that this could pass and if it doesn't, seek help and talk to someone about it. Getting the guilt off your shoulders is a big thing. There is no need to look like you have it all together all the time and there is no shame in talking about it. This is why I have decided to put this down in my blog. It may help someone to read this just as it is helping me to 'pen' it down.

Perhaps one day us womenfolk can feel less pressured to look like the perfect woman with the perfect house and the perfect children plus a perfect body to speak out and support each other. Why should we set such ridiculous expectations of ourselves and of other women? The most critical judge of women is woman herself. Let's change that and lets start with ourselves.

A Pen with a Purpose

It's been awhile since I posted. We've been busy travelling with the two kids in tow and then returning home only to fall sick for 3 weeks. Yes 3 weeks! And all of us were down for the entire time too. It wasn't like the dominoes where one fell before another and then another. Good for us that we are finally on the mend now. 85% better - not quite there yet but at least we feel normal! Unfortunately we have now passed the bug on to grandpa and grandma. Nasty thing that bug.

Anyway here is some eye candy while I ponder my coming posts. Alex loves all things stationery and when he saw these he was itching to buy them. Me being the diligent wife of course stopped him in his tracks and said the only way he can have these is by taking a picture of them and that's final. Wife puts her feet down. 

What? The guy has enough pens to supply an entire suburb for the elections! I think it's only wise that I stop him from adding three more to his collection.  :) Oh and I'm only mentioning the elections because the elections are coming up in the ACT. 

Till the next post... 

Dining at Soju Girl

It was that time of year again where I turned a year older and this year I requested to have dinner at Soju Girl, a 2 year old establishment in Canberra that has gained quite a reputation and following for its food in the capital. I was keen to try it out and it was either this place or Public @ Manuka. The two establishments are totally different in cuisine but Public is another place I wanted to try out so I left it to the husband to decide which of the two to make reservations at. He chose Soju Girl probably because Public was too close to his work place and there isn't anyone I know that wants to go back to the work place after working hours.

We had reservations for 7pm and upon arrival, the place was already bustling with patrons. The bar area was quite full as was the dining rooms. We were seated and quickly briefed about the Soju Girl concept of plates for sharing plus their specials for the night. 

First order of the night for me was the cocktail menu. After a quick perusal, I decided on El Diablo. I do not recall the ingredients in it except that it had tequila. I loved the drink. I like my cocktails strong. If I wanted something watered down I would just go with mocktails and this one had just enough kick in it. I was also pleasantly surprised by the generous size of the cocktail. One happy me!

Cocktail: El Diablo

We ordered a mix of dishes from the regular and specials menu. We were told that some of the starters are smaller portions and some can be quite filling. I really wanted to sample as much of the menu as we could and upon enquiry were told that 3 starters plus a main should leave us room to spare for dessert. However after finishing our starters we decided to add another starter before our main. The kitchen was kind enough to prepare our last minute request (it came 10 minutes after we made our request even though the restaurant was maxed out- I was very happy). In total we ordered 4 starters (plates to share) and a main.

Special of the night: Starter - Confit salmon,  Black sesame seed rice cracker

I don't remember the actual name of the dish but it was a nice balance of textures when eaten together. Mild flavours, nothing too heavy on the palate. My only complaint, for a starter it didn't really get my appetite started.

2nd Starter - Tiradito of King fish, Yuzu, White Soy, Radish

This was really good, an opposite to the salmon - it really gets your appetite going. You get a burst of flavour at first bite. A little tangy and a little salty with some crispness from the radish and cucumber. Its light, refreshing and altogether yummy. I could have done with another plate of this.

3rd Starter - Wagyu Carpaccio, togarashi, New Zealand wasabi, pickled salad.

This was pretty good. Melt in your mouth wagyu carpaccio balanced by the pickled salad. The carpaccio was a little thick but I guess if you get more beef in a bite there isn't much to complain about. The New Zealand wasabi (a little yellow dot at the edge of the plate - not pictured) was quite hot. I love my spice but I think that the wasabi might be a little too hot for most Australians.

4th Starter (the addition) - Tuna Futomaki, seaweed salad, emulsions

Love the tuna. To be honest this can be described as regular sushi with better ingredients, prepared with more finesse and creativity. Oh and about heat, be warned - this is spicy. The tuna is firstly seared and then liberally coated with sprinkles of chilli powder. I love that the rice beneath the tuna is rolled in seaweed which is then coated in tempura batter and fried crisp. (Creative!) Plus the seaweed salad that sits beneath the rice is crunchy and tangy. The yellow dots I believe are mayo and the dark sauce is a mix of some sort with thick sweet soy. As a whole the entire dish works. My only complaint is that the rice is too densely packed. It crossed my mind that it could be glutinous rice and it reminded me a lot of Malaysian 'lemang' which is essentially rice, packed tightly into a bamboo and cooked over slow hot coals.

Special of the night: Mains - Beef short ribs, Asian slaw

The person serving us made mention of the fact that the beef short ribs were served off the bone more than once. I think she said it three times. I suppose the bone is a deterrent to order for most of the patrons? If I were ordering ribs I would not care if it was still on the bone. Half the fun is watching the meat fall off the bone! We loved the beef but didn't like the slaw. The husband stayed away from it after having one bite because of the wasabi content in it. I think it was alright but nothing to shout about.

This is a sexier shot of the beef short ribs. A little dark perhaps but it does look better than the shots with flash. Unfortunately the restaurant is kinda dark and I only had the iPhone camera to work with so the flash was the only way to go. 

We had a look at the dessert menu but didn't feel inspired to order anything from it and headed off to have dessert at Gelatissimo in Manuka instead. 

I will probably return and try a couple more items on the menu. The dishes here are for the slightly more adventurous and knowledgeable diner. Definitely not for the average Aussie who prefers a good steak or roast. So if you are keen to try dishes with an Asian twist to it, Soju Girl is for you. If not, just go for their cocktails and I hear they make a pretty good martini.

Cheese Muffins

I have been doing a bit of baking lately. I usually don't bake because it's such an exact science. Miss a few grams or add too many mLs and the outcome is so unpleasant the baked goods might as well be tipped into the bin. There is no fixing it with a dash of salt or a spoonful of sugar. Another reason I hate baking is the amount of washing up there is to do. I hate cleaning in between the beaters and I have never been fond of eating the batter. 

However with a toddler in the house who needs to have morning tea and afternoon tea snacks, I have taken up baking on Fridays anticipating that she will need the snacks for Saturday and Sunday. Weekdays are fine because she is at daycare hence her meals are not my concern ( I say that flippantly but you know what I mean)  My little girl often has fruit or some crackers as snacks but that does get boring so I have started to bake. Toddlers aren't fussed if the baked goods turns out sub par so I get off easy.

With that said, I have discovered that I'm not so bad at baking after all. My goods have turned out pretty yummy. I like utilising ingredients that I already have in my pantry and fridge. Even better if they are leftovers or bits of odds and ends that need using up. Here is a really simple cheese muffin recipe that I made just last week. It's so good, so moist (I hate dry baked goods) and best of all, there was no beater to clean! All in a bowl!

Ingredients

1 egg (beaten)

1 1/4 cup milk

2 cups self raising flour

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 big pinch of paprika (omitable)

1 cup grated cheese (I used Romano but you can use any cheese)

Shredded cheddar cheese for topping.

Method

Preheat oven to 180 Celsius. Prepare muffin pan by lining with paper muffin cups or coating the holes with non stick spray. Mix beaten egg and milk together. In a big mixing bowl, mix the flour (sieved), salt, paprika salt and cheese together. Add the egg and milk mixture. Stir to combine but be careful to not over stir or the muffin will not turn out light and fluffy. Spoon mixture into the muffin cups and top with shredded cheddar cheese before putting into the oven. Bake for 15 minutes and remove once skewer comes out clean.

I was very pleased with the result. The muffins were light and fluffy, very cheese-y and most importantly not dry.

Here is a shot with a bite taken out of it. See the fluffiness?  :)  It was irresistible fresh out of the oven and still as good 2 days after that after a short 10 second blast in the microwave.

Yummo. This recipe is a keeper. 

Another Day, Another Year

The time of year has come again when I light the (many and increasing) candles, close my eyes, make a wish, blow a (long and getting longer) breath of air and voila - I am a year older.

This year I requested a cake from Flute Bakery, a shop well known in Canberra for its beautiful cakes. I told the hubs this year to go early, to have cash in his pockets(for they do not accept anything BUT cash) and to choose an interesting cake. So he chose this.

All I can say is that it is stupifyingly (for lack of a better word at this moment) YUMMY. Its name? TRIO. Is that cool or what? Its not called - Many layers of chocolate-y goodness sitting atop a layer of chocolate-y cake but a single word to represent a triple entity - TRIO. See this is why I do not have a job naming cakes. If it was left up to me I would just describe it as I have above and I'm pretty sure that very long name won't fit into any of the labels sitting in the glass display cabinet.

We cut into it and for someone who is a little OCD about balance and straightness of lines, this cake is perfection. Equal layers of chocolate-y goodness ( I am at it again aren't I? Maybe the chocolate-y goodness got to my head) increasing in chocolate-y intensity from the top to the bottom. I love gradient of color.

I have decided that we need another excuse to get another cake from Flute Bakery. I have heard that the Jaffa cake is awesome as well. Their cakes are so good, they don't even have a webpage. In this day and age, what business does not have a webpage to promote their goods? Their cakes are so good, they dont allow photography of anything in the shop. You are free to photograph your purchases at home. I guess it protects their creations from being copied and made available to the masses.

So is '3 months post pregnancy' a valid reason for another cake from Flute?  :)  Hmmm...... 

The Age Old Question

Mommy: Little A, how old are you now?
Little A: 2 months
Mommy:(Laughing) You are not 2 months! Little C is 2 months. One more time, how old are you now? Say 2 years old.
Little A: 2 old!
Mommy: 2 years old Little A. Repeat after mommy...
Little A: 2 old!

Dabbling with Marshmallow Fondant

When Little A turned 1, we didnt have much a of celebration for her birthday. In fact, I didnt bake a cake nor did I purchase any balloons. The one thing I did do however, was to ask Grandma if she could bake Little A a simple cake and we would just cut it before dinner. Grandma of course did her bestest, baked her a nice little bunt, stuck a sparkler on top and bought her two balloons to go with it.

In my defense, I was back to working full time then and between sleepless nights, (Little A was waking twice each night, crying and still feeding) waking early, showing up to work looking like a zombie for months on end, I was too tired to slot in baking and planning a birthday party. Any downtime I had was zzz time. Since then I have been simmering in guilt, feeling very un-mommy like for failing to put in some effort into having a birthday party for my child. But I digress, more on mommy guilt in a separate post.

This year after giving birth to Little C, I was set on making Little A's 2nd birthday special for her. The event itself wasnt much to shout about, just a simple party for a few kids and family with some nibbles. But my planning and effort went mostly into the cake.

I decided I wanted to make a beautiful cake for her. I had heard about how easy it is to use marshmallow fondant to cover a cake and how tasty it is compared to regular fondant. I know I have skills when it comes to arts and crafts so I decided to google and to accomplish what my mind had set out to do.

Little C was just born then and I decided to use his little "coming out" party (he turned 1 month old) as a trial run for playing with the fondant. I googled the recipe for marshmallow fondant - which was simple enough to follow.

Ingredients

1 pack of Marshmallows

1kg pack of icing sugar

1 tsp of water

Method

Put marshmallows in a bowl, add one teaspoon of water into the bowl, chuck them in the microwave for 30 seconds at a time, stirring after each 30 seconds until the marshmallows have melted. It should take about a minute to melt depending on how much marshmallows you are melting down. Remove from the microwave and stir in icing sugar until you can stir no more. Cover your hands with copious amounts of icing sugar, turn the contents of the bowl out on a sugared surface and using your hands, knead, adding icing sugar continuously until you get a dough like consistency. You stop when the dough can be stretched for roughly the length of one feet. If the mixture gets too dry or you have gone too far with the icing sugar, add a teeny spoonful of water and knead it again.

At this point you can add colors to batches of the fondant and store them for later use. It must be wrapped up to prevent it from drying and kept in air tight containers. I kept mine double wrapped in plastic and stored in Ikea containers in the fridge. I used gel colors to color my fondant. Do not use food coloring on the fondant unless you dont mind washed out colors.

I bought some fondant supplies from a baking supplies shop to get me started. A Wilton mat, roller, gel colors, pizza cutter, shaping tools (which I barely used) and an edible ink pen. 

I did a trial run of shaping objects with Little C's cake. Mom and I played with the fondant for a little bit to get a feel of it. Together we made little booties, a milk bottle and a pacifier. The yellow beneath the booties is meant to resemble his yellow blanket but its also to break up the white surface of the cake. 

This is the picture of Little C's finished cake. I made simple little squares to resemble alphabet blocks to spell his name and used an edible ink to write the letters on the blocks. I wasnt too happy with the effect of the ink because the pen seemed a little dry. I had to rewrite the lines a few times because the ink wasnt flowing very well. The cake is not the work of a professional but I think it passes muster for a first attempt. When covering and decorating the cake, I was more concerned about finishing what I had started in between Little C's sleeps. 

A week later we made Pooh Bear and Piglet for Little A's cake. These figures for Little A took more time to shape than Little C's but since we already got the feel of the fondant the first time around, it was easier to work with.

This is the picture of the completed cake. A Pooh Bear themed cake. I was planning on making a honey pot to go with it but decided the cake was crowded enough. A simple Happy Birthday and a number 2 candle finished the job nicely. For future cakes I think I will be getting alphabet cut outs from the baking supplies shop so I can make letters out of fondant.

I think if time allows, I will be playing with more fondant in the future  :)  I set out the challenge for myself to make pretty cakes for my kids and I think I aced it for a novice armed only with a googled recipe for marshmallow fondant.  I have pretty much decided that the next cake for Little C's birthday shall be a rainbow cake. Maybe I will cover that with white marshmallow fondant but I dont think I will be shaping any figurines or objects for that cake. Baking a multitiered, multicolored cake will be the challenge there for me.

Little A turns 2!

My oldest turned 2 this week. She has been the loveliest child to care for - smart, funny, obedient and sweet. Happy Birthday Little A!

This was her birthday cake. She has loved Pooh Bear and his friends for the longest time. She loves the story books and she loves the cartoons. I premade the figurines for her cake 3 weeks before actually making the cake for her birthday and as you would have it, she switched her obsession to Minnie Mouse the week before her birthday party. I decided that if she still loved Minnie by the time she turns 3, she shall have a Minnie cake then.

Curry Puff

This is my first attempt at making curry puffs. The way I cook is simple, I do it by estimation, by instinct and by using ingredients I already have in my pantry. Basically I taste and I make. So if you have just stumbled onto this blog entry by googling 'recipe for curry puffs', hopefully you find the details I am providing below helpful.

Ingredients

Shortcrust pastry (I use super market bought frozen ones - as Jamie Oliver says, 'unless you have lots of time or own a baking/food business, you have no reason to make your own pastry'
150g chicken mince
1 large potato
1/2 diced onion
1 tbsp curry paste
Cooking oil
Salt

Method

First you peel and cut the potato into small cubes. Cook in boiling water until it is soft then drain the water. Next, sauté the onion in some oil until it smells wonderful. Add the curry paste and fry until its fragrant. Be careful not to burn the paste or the onions. If you prefer the curry puff to be on the spicier side, add more of the paste. Lastly, add the chicken mince and cook until the mixture is dry. While it is cooking down, add salt to taste. After cooling, store in the fridge overnight.

When you are ready to make the curry puffs, defrost the shortcrust pastry to room temperature and cut into circles. I used mugs for the shape of the circle. I did say I opt for the simpler method of doing things. :) If you want a bigger curry puff, use a bigger mug. Spoon the mixture of chicken mince onto one half of the circle and fold over. Press all sides down to seal. Then complete the seal with a rolling and folding motion. It is difficult to explain this action through words. Do google for a video demo on YouTube. I didn't do a google and basically did it my own way. It's not as pretty as it could be but it is acceptable.

Preheat the oven to 180 degrees celcius. Place the curry puffs onto an oven tray that has been sprayed with oil. Egg wash the top of the curry puff and cook for 15-20 minutes until the pastry turns brown.

I will be making this more often in the future for afternoon teas or office morning teas. It is so simple and definitely quick to do. I am always on the lookout for tasty recipes with no fuss and this has definitely made the list.

Development: 8 weeks

This week has been a little tough with the little man. He was a really good sleeper up till now. I think it's wonder week for him. It's too early to be teething and he seems to be getting enough milk so it must be a learning leap that is causing his change in behavior.

I just spent every hour of the last two nights getting up, rocking him, putting him back down and then having to repeat the same sequence again within 30 minutes or so. It was a really tiring night. The days have not been any better with him constantly waking and not sleeping as much.

I googled wonder week and read that the best way to deal with it is to give him as much comforting as I can. It can supposedly last up to a week. It doesn't help that the entire household is down with colds and sore throats thanks to Little A bringing home the virus with her from day care. I have been constantly watching out for the little man hoping that he won't catch it too. Winter hasn't helped in the slightest with the onset of dry noses even though the humidifier has been going nearly all day.

This too shall pass. I just need sleep!