Are you a mother??

I would be lying if I said I have enjoyed being a mother from day one. I would be lying if I said that I was born to be a mother. The truth is until little C was born I wasn't too sure I was a mother. What I mean to say is I was performing correctly as a mother and I was doing everything a mother should be doing but somehow the role didn't feel like it was me. I felt like I had lost myself in all the sacrifices I had to make and I had yet to reach the sense of fulfilment that I thought a mother should have.

Don't get me wrong. I love my daughter very much.  Its just that I didn't feel like I was Cheryl. Cheryl the mother? It just didn't feel right. So I plodded along doing the best I could but yet at the same time not knowing who this new person really was. People complain about the physical changes that a women has to come to terms with after giving birth but the emotional upheaval is the one that matters the most. It was a very guilty feeling that I was carrying around on my shoulders. I suspect that most women go through the phase but few talk about it. Its as if its taboo or something to be ashamed about. I wish women's magazines would talk about issues like these instead of focusing on 'losing the baby weight' as though that is the most important post baby subject to talk about. Some women take longer than others to really 'feel' like a mom while some were really born into the role. I took longer. 2 years long.

To be honest I felt like an imposter. I knew how to be a mom. I could dish out very good advice and words of wisdom but I could not believe that no one could see through me and realise that I really didn't think I was a mother. Secretly I was really afraid that this was how I was going to feel all my life. But when little C was born, that feeling dissipated. Suddenly I felt like I understood my role as a mother. I had come full circle into acceptance that I am a MOTHER. It finally felt right. It's amazing just how empowering that realisation/acceptance was.

I now know what it means to be in love with your children and each day I am discovering new things about the side of me that is Cheryl the mother. If you are going through the same thing I did, I must say I do not know what triggered the change. I do not have a solution to the problem except words of encouragement that you are not alone in feeling this way. It happened to me and I suspect it happens to plenty of other women as well. Take heart that this could pass and if it doesn't, seek help and talk to someone about it. Getting the guilt off your shoulders is a big thing. There is no need to look like you have it all together all the time and there is no shame in talking about it. This is why I have decided to put this down in my blog. It may help someone to read this just as it is helping me to 'pen' it down.

Perhaps one day us womenfolk can feel less pressured to look like the perfect woman with the perfect house and the perfect children plus a perfect body to speak out and support each other. Why should we set such ridiculous expectations of ourselves and of other women? The most critical judge of women is woman herself. Let's change that and lets start with ourselves.

A Pen with a Purpose

It's been awhile since I posted. We've been busy travelling with the two kids in tow and then returning home only to fall sick for 3 weeks. Yes 3 weeks! And all of us were down for the entire time too. It wasn't like the dominoes where one fell before another and then another. Good for us that we are finally on the mend now. 85% better - not quite there yet but at least we feel normal! Unfortunately we have now passed the bug on to grandpa and grandma. Nasty thing that bug.

Anyway here is some eye candy while I ponder my coming posts. Alex loves all things stationery and when he saw these he was itching to buy them. Me being the diligent wife of course stopped him in his tracks and said the only way he can have these is by taking a picture of them and that's final. Wife puts her feet down. 

What? The guy has enough pens to supply an entire suburb for the elections! I think it's only wise that I stop him from adding three more to his collection.  :) Oh and I'm only mentioning the elections because the elections are coming up in the ACT. 

Till the next post...